Early one morning in the E.R. while a few of my co-workers and I were sitting around talking when a young couple approached the triage and asked to be seen. While our registration was checking in the couple I asked what they are being seen for. The young man replied “I don’t want to say it out loud could I just come in there, meaning triage, and tell you”.
So we let the couple in and started to take his vitals and asking a few general questions. The nurse then asked “what can we help you out with today?” The young man replied “I just want to die”. “Oh!” said the nurse “and why do you want to die?” “Do you plan on harming your self or others?” “No! No!” replied the young man “I don’t want to kill myself I just want to die.” The nurse then said “Well then what do we need to treat for you today?” His girlfriend standing in the corner then spoke up “Just tell them, look this morning we were fooling around and he got a dildo stuck up his butt”. “Oh! OK” replied the nurse. Then we finished with the patient and then took him back to a room awaiting the physician.
Once the couple left triage all of us broke down laughing, it was to hard to hold it in. The sad part is the girl with the young man was not sympathetic towards him at all. We then got an x-ray to see how far up his butt the dildo was and its location. The doctor also questioned the couple to see how this happened. The woman said ” I was holding on to the end of the dildo when all of a sudden it slipped out of my hands and slid up on its own”. In the medical field we call this “the point of no return.” That is the sphincter tightens up so much it not only lets things out put keeps thing from falling out on their own. The next step was to consult a surgeon to see if the young man would have to go into surgery to have the dildo removed. The surgeon felt pretty confident that he could remove the dildo with just a local anesthetic and some ringed forceps. He was right and he pulled out a nine inch dildo out of a 5′10″ 140lbs. guy. The nurse looked at the girl and she said ” Don’t look at me its not mine that’s way to big for me”.
So, what happened with the evidence? Was it returned to the owner? or did someone keep it for memorabilia? Did anyone ask the guy if he planned on putting it in, again? If so, I think he needs to go bigger! That way, he wont have to deal with ‘the point of no return’ dilemma.
Matthew James
April 22nd, 2007
I am still very curious. Did you keep it?
Matthew J.
April 26th, 2007
Ya so, the guy asked for it back and we just told him we had already thrown it away. Which we did but we made sure someone could find it. We placed it on top of the trash. The person who found it was this nice Hispanic lady. For some reason she didn’t know what it was. So she came to the nurses station and told us she thinks found a body part. She was kind of nervous. After having a good laugh about it we told her what it really was, and she was so embarrassed. Then we really threw it away.
spit
April 27th, 2007
Thats golden!
Matthew J.
April 28th, 2007